Monday, October 24, 2005
i can't take this any more!
i feel numb but at the same time
i'm SCREAMING inside.
why must all these happen to me?
why me? why this year?
when i am given this position?
why must u do this to me?
i'm screaming for an answer
although i know u will never give
me one that i will accept.
cruel! cruel!
i'm only 17! i'm YOUR age!
i'm no different!
i have to care for u, i have to
care for others, i have to care for the sch,
i have to care for my studies,
and i have to care for my personal life!
u think it's easy?
no! fuck! hell no! it's not easy!
it's not fucking easy!
and u're making things worst!
i always smile at everyone around me
i look happy and carefree..
true? no. i'm UNHAPPY! very!
i cry! i always do! crying inside.
slowly letting all my pent-up frustration
inside consume me bit by bit.
i can't tell. i'm not allowed to.
because of u and because of who i am,
i must carry everything on my shoulders.
i bare everything for u!
u ever tried lifting my burden?
no! thanks! thanks for adding to it!
today, i cried again.
but it's not inside.
i cried outside!
i cannot contain. my heart is aching.
i tell myself, "you must be strong!
you cannot let anything bring you down!
you cannot let anybody see you cry
because that's a weakness! don't show it!
hide it! never over your dead body show it!"
i hid well. very well indeed.
but today, i let it all out, not before closing
and locking the door.
i don't want anybody, not even
my parents or grandma should see.
I HATE YOU!!!
why must u join us when u don't want to actually?
u hurt me, u hurt everyone too.
once u're gone. i will not smile at u.
u dunno how my glare can bore through
ur conscience and everyday u'll live
in fear. u'll live in guilt forever.
u'll go crazy. i mean it.
i miss somebody. somebody who knows me well.
whom i can really talk to no matter what.
but i don't want to bother that somebody.
yet i need that somebody.
i really need that somebody.
but no matter what, i have God.
he's my pillar of strength.
u're nothing but disgusting.
i'm disgust3d at you.
19:37